There has to be a Logical Explanation

It’s still my intent to post every Monday but this week is going to be a little bit different, so I thought it best to post today instead. After four exhausting years of working terrible graveyard shifts, hating law school, starting graduate school and working on a thesis, my defense is finally scheduled for this upcoming Tuesday. While there is immense relief knowing there’s an end date finally in sight, the stress has temporarily mounted. I have one last huge hurdle before graduating.

Stress isn’t really something new to me but I’ve started to wonder whether it’s elevated to a level I haven’t previously experienced, and it’s manifesting itself in odd ways. For example, a few days ago I was trying to catch an hour or so of sleep before starting my night shift, and all was well. I remembered not struggling to fall asleep, and the sleep was hard and sound. At some point in the night, however, I lunged from my bed with a gasp, much like you’d see from a movie where a character has had a stereotypical vision or bad dream. I had cold sweat, was panting, and had a melody I didn’t recognize – though it seemed intensely familiar – cemented to my memory. I remembered only the sound and one phrase:

“Is it my turn to hold you by the hand?”

Rattled by the oddness of what had occurred, I walked across my bedroom and readied my web browser to see what it could possibly mean. I went to Google and typed “Is it my turn” but was stopped by the fourth selection on the drop-down menu: “is it my turn to hold you by the hand.” I clicked on the option and the first web hit was one entitled “P.M. Dawn Lyrics, I’d Die Without You Lyrics.” I then Googled “P.M. Dawn I’d Die Without You” and this music video popped up.

After watching the video, I’ll admit I was rattled. P.M. Dawn’s song was indeed the melody I had imprinted on my mind after I awoke in a cold sweat. However, I was nine years old when the song was made and I have no recollection of ever hearing it. Even more interesting, when examining the lyrics to the song, the line “Is it my turn to hold you by your hands?” was mentioned only once and wasn’t a part of the chorus. On top of that, the lyrics immediately after the line about holding hands were, "Tell you that I love you and you not hear me."


When I relayed this experience to Amanda, she asked if I had listened to the radio recently or had been in a store where I may have heard it played faintly in the background, and neither was true. When I’m not listening to sports talk on the radio or by podcast, I have my own iPod full of music, and I had never heard of P.M. Dawn.

I know I’ve been stressed lately more than usual but I have no explanation for the dream, which is slightly jarring to me, as I’m the kind of person who leans toward the thought there’s a logical explanation for everything. The only possible thought in my mind is that the song could be associated with some sort of repressed memory, though that’s not an avenue I’d like to explore. Having gone to Catholic schools all my life, and having a mother who assumes I was molested simply because of the recent controversies within the Vatican, well, forget it.

But I have to say, if I was molested by a priest and he used P.M. Dawn’s “I’d Die Without You” as background music for his tomfoolery…now that’s a funny image. Try to imagine anyone getting down with that on in the background.

6 snide remarks:

Barnesm said...

I imagine its a test run on brain beaming tech by the hidden masters. So to be used to send advertising.

Good luck on the thesis.

Heidi Germanaus said...

Hey! I made out to that song when I was 19. hahaha...It's pretty lame though I admit. Another possibility for it's insertion into your data banks could be that old Eddie Murphy movie "Boomerang". It was on the soundtrack and played while he pined for Halle Berry.

It would probably make being molested by a priest as a child more humorous than usual.

I echo Barnes- Good Luck! Oh, and the kid loved the UCB dvd. Ass pennies and the ugly people support group were his favorites.

intelliwench said...

It was obviously your subconscious' way of giving you material for a post and thus free you up to concentrate on your defense.

Good luck!

Pantsless Ponderer said...

Barnesm: Advertising for early '90s music? Now that's plain evil. And thanks for the well-wishes. I'm ready for it to be over!

Heidi Germanaus: So you've heard of that song, huh? It's not necessarily a bad song -- just odd I had never heard of it. And truthfully, I've never heard of the movie "Boomerang" either, though I wish I could say I didn't know who Halle Berry is.

So he liked UCB? That's awesome. I forgot about the ugly support group. Hilarious! The Lady and the Lake stuff was great, too.

Thanks for the well wishes on the thesis!

intelliwench: That's a damn good theory, and it makes a hell of a lot more sense than anything I've come up with. And thanks for the thesis well wishes! Hope your schooling is going well, too.

Barnesm said...

Given your inside knowledge

is this true?


Pantsless Ponderer said...

Barnesm: Ha, unfortunately it's not true. The packages usually get kicked a few dozen times and THEN dropped off with ninja-like stealth.

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