I Put My Pants on for This?

This week is going to be a nice week. Not only is my birthday tomorrow (you’re welcome that I was born, Planet Earth) but, barring something unforeseen, I should have my thesis completely finished. Currently I’m waiting to get signatures from a couple of professors and also a green light that all of the revisions I need to make have been approved, which should happen tomorrow. And when it does, I hand in my thesis and my educational career will finally come to a close.

As implied above, my defense last week went well. Too well, to be honest. I managed to defend my thesis successfully but what was shocking was that my professors actually liked the damn thing. I knew going into my defense that, should I pass, my thesis would be forever lost in the dusty confines of a corner of my university’s library, never to be read. I accepted that knowledge as a source of pride, not because I would have a work published, but because I would have lowered the academic prestige of political science at my university to an irreversible degree. What I learned after the defense was that my lowering the bar of political science as an academic discipline might just extend beyond my own university.

My professors thought my results were interesting enough that they’re considering publishing my work. Essentially, they’d take the results of my thesis and put them through the full gauntlet of statistical inquiry, something I can’t do with my more limited experience and knowledge. To put it simply, it’d be like my drawing a stick figure rendition of a woman and then handing it off to Leo who then makes it into the Mona Lisa. Anyway, the professors on my committee are considering attempting to publish my work in a national political science journal and also presenting it at a “Religion and Politics” seminar in Michigan. The cool news is they’d have to list me as a co-author and, depending on a few unknowns, I might actually be there to present the findings with them at the conference.

So, having dumb downed political science in the United States, I have spent this weekend and the early part of this week doing absolutely nothing. I’ve played some video games, I’ve read books of my own choosing and have watched a number of television shows about ghosts. I still intend to write a new blog post every Monday but, to be honest, I didn’t feel like doing it yesterday. I was too wrapped up in online debates, whether it be about religion on Facebook or football on another board I go to.

Which reminds me. I truly hate unreasonable people. And what I mean by that is anyone who doesn’t base their arguments in logic. I spent half my day yesterday arguing with a guy who claimed he supported President George W. Bush because “he was the president” but the same guy criticizes everything about President Obama. Under that same logic, if being the president is the only factor involved in your support, that guy should support Obama simply because he’s currently the president. You don’t have to like Obama or think he’s doing a good job – just be consistent with your damn argument!

Also, religious people are starting to annoy me the more I get older. I don’t have a problem with religion, just with the religious. I was discussing religion with my cousin’s wife on Facebook (which I suppose you should never do) and, being that she’s against universal health care, I asked her how she can call herself a Christian and be against access to health care for all people. The question wasn’t asked out of anger or spite – just curiosity. One of the central teachings of Jesus was compassion, and I don’t know how being against universal health care coincides with that. Rather than argue the point, she went off on a tangent about abortion and homosexuality. When I pointed out she went off topic, she made some comment about health care being too expensive. I responded by quoting Jesus: “Give unto others as little as necessary so you can convince yourself that you’re compassionate, but don’t give too much. We can’t just give handouts to lazy people, for Mysake.”

I then told her I didn’t know what chapter of the Bible that passage was in but was sure she could fill in the details. Maybe it was that comment or maybe it was the joke about “Mysake” instead of “Christsake,” but my cousin’s wife was offended and wrote my mom a huge email about my sinfulness and bad attitude.

There’s a lot of morons out there. But I suppose I should probably put some pants on and shave now that it’s dinner time. Hope everyone is doing well.

Read on, dear lemmings...

There has to be a Logical Explanation

It’s still my intent to post every Monday but this week is going to be a little bit different, so I thought it best to post today instead. After four exhausting years of working terrible graveyard shifts, hating law school, starting graduate school and working on a thesis, my defense is finally scheduled for this upcoming Tuesday. While there is immense relief knowing there’s an end date finally in sight, the stress has temporarily mounted. I have one last huge hurdle before graduating.

Stress isn’t really something new to me but I’ve started to wonder whether it’s elevated to a level I haven’t previously experienced, and it’s manifesting itself in odd ways. For example, a few days ago I was trying to catch an hour or so of sleep before starting my night shift, and all was well. I remembered not struggling to fall asleep, and the sleep was hard and sound. At some point in the night, however, I lunged from my bed with a gasp, much like you’d see from a movie where a character has had a stereotypical vision or bad dream. I had cold sweat, was panting, and had a melody I didn’t recognize – though it seemed intensely familiar – cemented to my memory. I remembered only the sound and one phrase:

“Is it my turn to hold you by the hand?”

Rattled by the oddness of what had occurred, I walked across my bedroom and readied my web browser to see what it could possibly mean. I went to Google and typed “Is it my turn” but was stopped by the fourth selection on the drop-down menu: “is it my turn to hold you by the hand.” I clicked on the option and the first web hit was one entitled “P.M. Dawn Lyrics, I’d Die Without You Lyrics.” I then Googled “P.M. Dawn I’d Die Without You” and this music video popped up.



After watching the video, I’ll admit I was rattled. P.M. Dawn’s song was indeed the melody I had imprinted on my mind after I awoke in a cold sweat. However, I was nine years old when the song was made and I have no recollection of ever hearing it. Even more interesting, when examining the lyrics to the song, the line “Is it my turn to hold you by your hands?” was mentioned only once and wasn’t a part of the chorus. On top of that, the lyrics immediately after the line about holding hands were, "Tell you that I love you and you not hear me."

Creepy.

When I relayed this experience to Amanda, she asked if I had listened to the radio recently or had been in a store where I may have heard it played faintly in the background, and neither was true. When I’m not listening to sports talk on the radio or by podcast, I have my own iPod full of music, and I had never heard of P.M. Dawn.

I know I’ve been stressed lately more than usual but I have no explanation for the dream, which is slightly jarring to me, as I’m the kind of person who leans toward the thought there’s a logical explanation for everything. The only possible thought in my mind is that the song could be associated with some sort of repressed memory, though that’s not an avenue I’d like to explore. Having gone to Catholic schools all my life, and having a mother who assumes I was molested simply because of the recent controversies within the Vatican, well, forget it.

But I have to say, if I was molested by a priest and he used P.M. Dawn’s “I’d Die Without You” as background music for his tomfoolery…now that’s a funny image. Try to imagine anyone getting down with that on in the background.

Read on, dear lemmings...

The Greatness of Halloween

It feels like it’s been kind of difficult to write here the past month or so, and a lot of that is because nothing really interesting happens to me anymore. Strange things used to be commonplace but now that most of my work involves my being at home and working on a paper, I have limited interaction with other places and people. But this weekend was Halloween weekend, one of my favorite times of the year. If I’m not watching AMC’s two week Fright Fest marathon of twenty-four hour a day horror movies, I’m renting horror movies. But this year was different – this year had Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3K).

For those who may not be familiar with it, MST3K is what put the Comedy Central television network on the map. Before there was South Park or the Daily Show, Comedy Central’s point of pride was Mystery Science Theater 3000. And to think the network was catapulted because of a guy from Minnesota who made fun of terrible movies with a few puppets he made himself from inside his garage. A sample of their great work is below.

Unfortunately, MST3K and all of its greatness was a fond memory of my childhood after the show went off the air many years ago. However, I got wind the creators of the show had begun making fun of movies again, though now they do it live and they broadcast their mocking all over the United States at local movie theaters. So this past Thursday my sister, my girlfriend (Amanda) and I all went to a cinema to watch the MST3K creators return to their brilliant form when they mocked Vincent Price’s classic “House on Haunted Hill.”

It was an absolute blast and a nice bit of nostalgia. And “House on Haunted Hill” is worth the rent if you're looking for the strangeness of Vincent Price or special effects so terrible that they make you laugh on the spot.

On Saturday night my sister invited Amanda and me to a local play group that was performing Cannibal! The Musical. I knew very little about it other than it was written by Trey Parker of South Park fame and that one of my sister’s former co-workers was in it. Though it started off rocky, the musical was great, as was the cast. I won’t give away much but I will say this: any musical that has a character longingly dreaming of his lost horse while masturbating has my full attention.

Then, of course, yesterday was Halloween. Though I’m a rabid football fan, I actually chose to watch Stephen King’s four hour movie Storm of the Century with Amanda than my Green Bay Packers (and they actually pulled a huge upset, too). That’s dedication. And to top the night off, I helped Amanda hand out candy. And by “hand out” I mean I watched her hand it out. It’s not that I wouldn’t like to give candy to kids – it’s just that I know I’ll get too bitter. It isn’t unusual to get a few kids that complain about the candy they get or refuse to say thank you. For whatever reason I’m a huge believer in manners, though it probably stems from my parents drilling it into my head from birth. If someone gives you something, you say thank you. So if I had been giving out candy and a kid took it and walked away without saying anything in return, I couldn’t promise I’d be able to not call him a little bastard or tell him that his parents should wear a condom next time.

With that in mind, I was put in charge of making sure we didn’t run low on candy, which turned out to be comical. Our neighborhood gets bombarded with kids, which is awesome. We went through 600 candy bars in around 90 minutes before we ran out completely and had to turn off our lights by 7:30 PM.

Though another successful Halloween is in the books, I’m starting to have a bit of a withdrawal. Not being able to have horror movies on television for background noise while I do homework is depressing me. To help the transition I’ve decided to do all my work while wearing a Jason mask.

Read on, dear lemmings...

Ass Pennies

Now if that title doesn't draw attention, I don't know what will. I still plan on updating every Monday but this week has been crazy and stressful. The past few days have involved lack of sleep and dealing with stressful situations, and on top of that I awoke this morning to an air raid siren blaring. A tornado in Michigan in late October? Damn you, Al Gore!

Anywhoo, I'll be back to normal posts again this coming Monday. I know I've posted this before but, hey, if anyone ever wants to know what I do for confidence, here it is:

Ass Pennies - watch more funny videos

Read on, dear lemmings...